


Winter Blues

by TotalFanGirl221B



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Depression, M/M, Sad, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 01:44:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5315552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotalFanGirl221B/pseuds/TotalFanGirl221B
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Martin was diagnosed with SAD a while ago, and hates it every time winter comes around. Perhaps, with Douglas, things might be a little different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Winter Blues

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Cabin Pressure or any of the characters

Martin sighed as he rolled out of bed at around eight, having barely slept all night. Perhaps he should not go in today, he thought, but then again Carolyn would bite his head off. She probably was not going to best pleased that he had _barely_ managed to get the required sleep time, but he didn’t care. He did technically sleep for as much time as he was supposed to, despite it being a broken one. They were only on standby anyway, and he doubted their client would call today, having not spoken to the company all week. Hopefully today wouldn’t be the day to change their mind. Martin shook his head at the thought, kicking his legs off of the side of the bed as he placed his head in his hands. He _loved_ flying, but now all he wanted to do was get back into his reasonably warm bed and wrap himself up in blankets so he wouldn’t have to face the world. He knew though that that wasn’t him talking, it was just these damn _winter blues._ Maybe a little more than that, perhaps. The doctor had obviously told him the correct term for it, which he didn’t like the sound of. Telling people he had SAD made them confused and himself a little frustrated. A lot of people called it winter blues anyway, but he also didn’t like the sound of that either… Because, even though he called it that as well, it didn’t feel right. Saying winter blues made it seem as if it was just some excuse, something small. This wasn’t small. He felt _terrible._

                He made his way down into the kitchen, grateful for the lack of students around the house. He didn’t like the noise this time of year; it could have made it seem livelier and less lonely, yes, but at the same time it was too much. Scanning around the kitchen for some food he sighed, realising there was not enough for him to have a proper breakfast. Thankfully he would be going to Douglas’ tonight for dinner, which he had been doing more frequently. He felt guilty that he had never invited his partner round over to the attic at any point, but who would want to go there anyway? Douglas didn’t seem to mind it at all though.

                He dragged himself back up the steps, realising he was going to be running late. He had spent way too much time making the disgusting breakfast which he had to eat because otherwise his blood sugar would probably not be the best, and that definitely would not be good. Then he moved into the living room, he didn’t really know why, but he hovered there for a minute or two and decided to open the curtains just to take a look outside. Darkness. Not complete darkness, perhaps, but enough to make him want to crawl on to the sofa and stay there for the rest of the day, maybe even the rest of the month. He might come out at Christmas, because despite not liking the winter, he couldn’t dislike _Christmas._ And this would be his first one with Douglas as well. It was going to be fun, he thought, managing to smile the tinniest bit. Nothing that reached his eyes, though.

                Not even as he stared in the mirror at himself in his Captain’s uniform did he care at all about the day ahead. Douglas had knocked on, Martin had heard, but he stood for a moment perfectly still. All he wanted to do was stay in, would that be so bad? They all knew the client was _not_ going to call, she didn’t care. He didn’t _have_ to go in, did he? He didn’t even get paid, he should be allowed to take one day off to just lie and sleep and breathe. To forget about the gloom and his worries and to stop panicking over such tiny things that would be no problem to him if it were a sunny day. He felt so utterly useless and _pathetic,_ he just wanted control over his emotions and he couldn’t and he needed to sleep to stop it all but he wasn’t allowed just _that._ And now Douglas was calling him after knocking a few more times, seeming to get more frantic after the first couple. Martin rolled his eyes, there was really no need for Douglas to panic. Martin was ready, he would go to work and be miserable, he would go to Douglas’ for dinner and act as though nothing were wrong, and then he would go home and crawl into his bed and sleep, or he would stay at Douglas’ and just sleep for as long as he possibly could.

                “Ah, there you are, mon captaine. I thought perhaps you may have decided to desert us,” Douglas began as Martin locked the door to the student house and turned to the car, barely sparing Douglas a second glance. “Is everything all right?” he asked, a touch of concern seeping into his tone upon noticing the slam of the door to his Lexus. He quickly followed Martin inside the car, rubbing his hands together as he shivered slightly. It was completely freezing this morning, and Douglas _hated_ it. If it wasn’t snowing then there was simply no need for it to be so cold, he always said.

“Fine, everything’s fine.” Martin murmured in response, a little late, taking Douglas a tad by surprise.

“Are you sure?” he looked his partner up and down, not missing the faint – but there – bags under his eyes which looked grey themselves, almost matching his Captain’s skin. “Sleep well?”

“Yes,” Martin grunted, his fingers flexing by his sides as he stared straight through the front window, still not bothering to look at Douglas, who couldn’t help but feel just a bit insulted by this silence. After all, they had been together for quite a while now, and Douglas always thought they could talk to each other just fine. Clearly, though, he may need to reconsider.

* * *

 

They arrived to the portacabin late, but not because of Douglas this time, in complete silence. Not one Douglas found particularly comfortable, and wouldn’t be having again, he hoped. Martin followed Douglas in, walking at a snail’s pace, head awkwardly lowered to stare at the ground.

                Carolyn had been waiting impatiently, having one of her rants as soon as they entered. Explaining how unprofessional it was that they were so late, blaming Douglas for it. Douglas was a gentlemen, though, and took the blame completely, eyeing Martin who shifted to his seat quickly once Carolyn had gone to her office. “You’re welcome,” he spoke, some annoyance crept into his tone as he took his seat at his own desk. Martin looked up with a guilty expression spread all over his face. He hadn’t meant for Douglas to take the blame, he hadn’t meant to just stand by and say nothing. That is what he had done, though. _Why?_ He panicked internally, hoping Douglas wouldn’t stay mad at him for so long. He wouldn’t be able to take another silence at dinner, and he wanted to at least _seem_ happy for Douglas.

“I, I’m sorry.” He muttered, turning his head to his desk as pink shot quickly from his neck up to his forehead. Douglas gave him a sympathetic look, though he was not able to see it, and kept a close eye on him for the rest of the day. He didn’t know if Martin noticed, he guessed he probably didn’t as he spent most of his day rushing through paperwork. Or at least, pretending to rush through paperwork. The First Officer had watched as Martin scribbled bits here and there, seemingly in random places, and then he watched as Martin’s eyes closed frequently, as if struggling to process the information on the paper. Which was odd, Douglas thought, and not something he liked.

* * *

 

“Just make yourself at home,” Douglas instructed Martin as they entered the older man’s home. Martin’s mood had not brightened since the morning, which had worried Douglas, but he knew he could at least try and cheer the younger man up.

                He sighed as he was setting out the food, glancing into the living room where Martin sat awkwardly on the sofa. By now the Captain would have come into the kitchen, spouting random stories at Douglas, which for some reason always made both of them laugh. There was no laughing tonight, however, as Martin perched awkwardly on the sofa alone, his eyes staring at the wall in front of him yet seeming unfocused. Maybe Douglas would be able to get him talking at dinner. Maybe.

* * *

 

“That was l-lovely, Douglas. Really nice.” Martin smiled, a smile not reaching his eyes. Not like the smile Douglas normally put on Martin’s face. Nothing like it. Martin seemed to realise that as well, shying his face away from his love once more.

“What’s wrong, Dear?” Douglas spoke softly, caressing Martin’s hand on the table, his eyes staring at the younger man lovingly. “Look at me, please.” The Captain lifted his head slowly, looking to Douglas with gloomy eyes, not being able to keep the act on any longer. He was just too exhausted and upset, and all he wanted to do was have Douglas hold him until the winter was over and he could control his emotions so he would be happy again and everything would be _okay._ “Martin?” Douglas prompted after the silence, still his thumb stroked softly up and down Martin’s hand, and the younger man exhaled, grabbing a gentle hold of the hand now. “What is it?”

“I… I don’t, can’t really ex-explain,” he shook his head, trying not to sound stupid. Trying to make the _winter blues_ sound serious. “I get, er, upset… sort of, in the, the wintertime… the darker it gets, I just… _Winter blues._ ” he removed his hand from his partner’s grip and buried his head in his hands, finally letting tears escape as he realised how pathetic this was. All he had was the blues, it wasn’t s _erious._

                Suddenly, a hand stroked in his hair, and he picked his head up slowly to find Douglas kneeling beside him looking up to him with sympathy in his eyes. _Sympathy,_ not _pity._ Not looking at him as if he were making a big deal over nothing. “It’s alright, shhh,” Douglas soothed, Martin taking his chance and burying his head into the older man’s chest, sobbing harder than he ever had. Why, he had no real clue, but he needed to cry. He needed to let this out. Because his emotions _hurt._ Like hell.

                He soon stopped his crying, holding on to Douglas for dear life, and was gently levered up by his partner. “Y-you don’t think,” Martin choked, looking at Douglas with sad eyes. Douglas stared at him lovingly, always lovingly. “I’m just being _silly?”_ he whispered, and Douglas shook his head immediately with force.

“Martin, I _know_ you’re not being silly,” he began, speaking softly and sincerely to the man he had fallen hopelessly in love with. “I understand it, and I know it is a common thing for people to have.” Martin stared at him now, looking completely lost, as he had expected some different answer. The answer he got from most people. “And I actually have something that may help you,” Douglas began, then suddenly left the room, leaving Martin utterly bewildered for a minute or two.

                Thankfully he came back, in his hand a box with Martin’s name written on the side. The Captain stared at it and then up at Douglas who was now smiling, sitting on the opposite side to Martin at the table. “What…?” Martin whispered, not able to get his voice back just yet.

“I actually thought you may have something like SAD, having had the privilege of working with you for five years now, meaning five winters.”

“Oh, you, er… you knew?” Martin flushed again, but Douglas took his hand in reassurance.

“It was just a hunch, really. Anyway, I thought perhaps I could get you one of these,” he spoke, sliding the package carefully over to Martin, who just stared at it. “Go on, open it.” So he did, and as soon as he realised what it was he shook his head furiously. “I know there isn’t a lot you can do for SAD really, and so this is the best I could do.”

“D-Douglas, I-I can’t, I can’t accept this,” he held it in his hand. As soon as he had found out about his SAD he had looked for some form of treatment, his doctor not yet considering tablets as he didn’t believe it to be that serious. Martin had been referred to someone who he met weekly, just to talk about his feelings. He also tried meditation in particularly stressful situations. However, what was one of things he had heard helped many people was a SAD light. On all of the forums he searched on, _that_ seemed to be the most effective. So, he searched for a light. Only to eventually find out that he could not possibly get one, it costing about £90, which turned out to be the cheapest. Now Douglas was just _handing_ him one as if it was such an easy thing to get hold of, as if it was nothing.

“Of course you can,” Douglas announced, refusing to take it back. “Call it an early Christmas present,” he smirked, watching as Martin’s eyes finally lit up.

“Y-you really… I can’t… Thank you, Douglas, _so_ much.” he smiled, almost reaching his eyes, and quickly went to hug Douglas.

* * *

 

Eventually they went to bed, Douglas persuading (which was not incredibly hard) Martin to stay over. Martin was absolutely exhausted, so he cuddled up to Douglas immediately, laying his head on his partner’s chest as he drifted off to sleep. “I love you,” he mumbled, closing his eyes slowly. Douglas looked down to see the man’s ginger curls laying on his chest and smiled contently, managing to lean down and kiss his partner’s head.

“And I you, mon amour.”

**Author's Note:**

> So... Make what you will of this fic, I don't know how I feel about it as of yet. It's the first time I've sort of written anything like this before. I hope you guys enjoy it, and as always I appreciate any comments you may have :)


End file.
